The Story

blain @ 2005-11-17T11:36:00

2005-11-17T16:42:17Z

Where do you go when home is not a place you want to be?

My home is a place of black and white, of slow and slower, of definition and precision. Yet, on my journeys away from home, I have learned to appreciate the beauty to be found in shades and gradations. Maybe my time away has shown me that where you grow up is not always were you belong. I used to think that I would always be happy there. I thought I would find contentment in the familiarity of my childhood home. But that was such a foolish thought. I am not the same person I was as a child. How could one place hope to hold the interest of the thousands of versions of myself that have lived in the last 20 years? Especially a place as static and unchanging as home.

More and more, I understand myself. I am a changeling, jumping from one self to a new self as information and situation dictates. I am a statue of versatility and flexibility. I need a place that is just as fluid.

So, as Thanksgiving approaches, I will give thanks for travel. I will be grateful for the ability to leave home and challenge myself with the unknown. It is my hope that I never allow myself to become trapped in an environment that can no longer encompass the full spectrum of my being. And may the same be for you.

blain @ 2004-05-05T23:02:00

2004-05-06T03:12:08Z

Here they are! The angry-grams--modify to protect the innocent and me:

To Daniel, From Last Night's stand.
Dear Daniel,
I was really disappointed last night. I can't believe it took as long as it did for you to please me. Thanks for nothing. By the way, you can find someone else to room with in Europe. No nomantic gondola rides with me.
Love,
--Censored--

To Kate, From the Lord of the Underworld.

Some circuses use fleas.
Chalkboards are slated.
Next time you eat cheese,
You'll be constipated.

To Kate, From Devil.

Roses are nice,
Violets are phony.
All the action you'll get,
Is from Wyatt and a pony.

To Andrew, From Sadaam Hussein.
Dear Andrew,
I ****ing ***** *********! You *******er *******ing *******ist!
Regards, Sadaam Hussein.

To Andrew, From Kate.

Suck Roses,
Suck Violets,
**** You.

To Pretty Woman, From Daniel.

Please go out with me.
Wait, where are you going?

To the World, From Kate.

Please love me!
Stop ignoring me!
I'll do anything!

To Katherine, From Andrew

Roses are black.
Violets are black.
You have a really,
Really big rack.

To Pretty Woman, From --Censored--,

It was cold. I was in the pool. Honestly...

To Alex Trebeck, From Sean Connery.

Mess with me Tre-beck,
I'll show you my fist.
I'll ask one more time,
$500, The Rapist.

blain @ 2004-05-01T16:51:00

2004-05-01T20:54:06Z

I'm not hungry, but I want to eat.

Why can't I be normal, and be hungry at five o'clock.

Maybe it's because I had lunch at two.

Hum...

blain @ 2004-05-01T01:34:00

2004-05-01T05:39:46Z

Today has been lovely. I finished the fifth Harry Potter book, and have many theories and expectations. It only took me eight hours to read it...

Then there was dinner at the Olive Garden with Kate, Justin, and Andrew. That only cost $22.00. I had to have that White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake, and the accompanying decaf.

Then we saw Mean Girls. Hilarious. It's really pretty good.

Then I saw the end of Mona Lisa Smile. Too chick-flick--even for me.

But the best part of the day has been the general sense of happiness. I feel happy. I feel relieved. I feel unburdened. I know that most of you don't understand what's been going on here at USC. That drama's part of it. And then there were so many other things that just added up into trouble.

But it's ok. I'm actually not stressing. If I can ride the mechanical bull, I can finish my finals. If I can live peacefully with my roommate one more week, I'll make it another year in the dorms. It I can just take it one week at a time, I'll never notice that the days add up too quickly.

blain @ 2004-04-27T22:44:00

2004-04-28T02:52:14Z

So, the last two days have been filled with a lot of drama, anger, and disappointment for me. I've really hits some lows here, but I'm not going to say why. It's a long story, filled with twists and turns, where no one is completely innocent or guilty no matter how much I want to sling blame around.

But in the middle of all this, I call my parents. All I wanted was to rant and rave to them. I wanted to say how bad everything was, and how I am so out of luck. I wanted them to understand that I had been wronged and placed in a really sticky situation.

And they were supposed to agree. But they didn't.

My father laughed when I finished. I promptly told him that he hadn't responded that way I wanted him too. And he said something like this:

"Daniel, you can sit there and complain about how bad it is now. Or you can forget it, and start looking at what's coming. If you are trying to live right, God won't let you go needy. You may not have everything you want, but you will have what you need. So just forget what could have been, and start looking towards what is coming."

So, I'm trying to listen to him. When I get off the phone, I turn on the radio to the local Christian station with my headphones and blast the music. All the songs had the same message. Basically it was this:

"Daniel. This is God. Love me, and I'll take care of everything else. That's all."

So, I'm going to do it. And I'm going to let all of y'all witness it. I'm just going to trust God. I'm trying to love Him. He's going to work it out. Let's see what's coming.

blain @ 2004-04-21T23:24:00

2004-04-22T03:28:54Z

So, Kate and I are chilling in my room. Kate's on the phone with her mom, and I am looking at Bach paino music. Then I notice a pair of feet through the crack at the bottom of my door. Five minutes later, my roommate comes in with his SOTW (Slut Of The Week).

He's drunk. It's hilarious. He stumbles out into the hallway, and Remi--the SOTW--and I share our drunk Adrian stories. Kate is humored as we talk about his little stupidities.

Like how he always says:
"I'm not drunk. I'm just tipsy."
"I'm not drunk. See, I can take off my shoes."
"Hey, what my girl/boy doing?"

It's funny. In the last twenty minutes, he has probably said the above about sixty times each. Poor little drunk dummy.

blain @ 2004-04-18T21:36:00

2004-04-19T01:36:56Z

blain's Word Usage

1. to (110)	26. all (16)	51. are (8)	76. who (6)
2. the (104)	27. about (15)	52. week (8)	77. could (6)
3. i (92)	28. was (13)	53. make (8)	78. girl (6)
4. and (63)	29. but (13)	54. from (8)	79. our (6)
5. a (51)	30. on (12)	55. there (8)	80. say (6)
6. of (38)	31. don't (12)	56. up (8)	81. even (6)
7. in (38)	32. we (11)	57. that's (8)	82. isn't (6)
8. he (37)	33. has (11)	58. at (8)	83. some (6)
9. is (36)	34. not (11)	59. last (7)	84. then (6)
10. that (36)	35. now (11)	60. think (7)	85. how (6)
11. you (35)	36. am (11)	61. sin (7)	86. always (5)
12. my (34)	37. ha (10)	62. hate (7)	87. can (5)
13. me (32)	38. one (10)	63. go (7)	88. roommate (5)
14. it (31)	39. as (10)	64. know (7)	89. did (5)
15. so (29)	40. will (10)	65. like (7)	90. an (5)
16. with (21)	41. room (10)	66. time (7)	91. very (5)
17. this (20)	42. do (9)	67. ok (7)	92. went (5)
18. love (20)	43. out (9)	68. when (7)	93. stupid (5)
19. his (19)	44. by (9)	69. well (7)	94. really (5)
20. if (19)	45. never (9)	70. back (7)	95. play (5)
21. have (18)	46. get (8)	71. her (7)	96. been (5)
22. your (18)	47. or (8)	72. just (7)	97. happy (5)
23. i'm (17)	48. god (8)	73. before (6)	98. doesn't (5)
24. be (17)	49. what (8)	74. can't (6)	99. had (5)
25. for (16)	50. it's (8)	75. she (6)	100. see (5)

Username:
Word Count by Hutta.

blain @ 2004-04-13T17:21:00

2004-04-13T21:25:16Z

UGH!

I know that this is not exactly the best place to rant and rave about people, especially those who are in the room with you. But I can't stand my roomie. Why the heck does he think it is ok to come in the room while I am watching a movie and proceed to turn on his tv, radio, and invite some guests over?

blain @ 2004-04-12T23:31:00

2004-04-13T03:31:59Z

</tabl

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Sense of Humour
In a survival situation, you:	Cleverly trick your attacker
Your hidden talent is:	Resourcefulness
Your gift is:	An iron constitution
In groups, you:	Play an organisational role
Your best quality is:	Your sense of humour
Your weakness is:	Your antisocial nature

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

blain @ 2004-04-12T23:27:00

2004-04-13T03:27:53Z

Your Life: The Movie by mintyduck
Who will play you:	Eminem
Who will play your love interest:	Julianne Moore
Weeks you will stay in the box office:	12
Song that will play during your love scene:	Morrissey - You're The One For Me Fatty
Song that will play during your death:	Stevie Wonder - They Won't Go When I Go
Your name:

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

blain @ 2004-04-11T23:18:00

2004-04-12T03:26:32Z

In probably the most serious entry I will every write in this journal, I have only this to say: I hate life outside of Hartsville.

I hate singing opera, because it takes me away from Hartsville--but I love to sing opera. I hate having a church job because I can't go to church with my family--but I enjoy every minute at Shandon. I hate USC because it isn't home--but I'm excited about making it so.

This weekend reminded me of all the things I'm throwing away. Easter egg hunts in the fields behind my great-grandmothers--the same place that the last four generations of my family have hunted for eggs. The talks with my grandparents--once five to six times a week, now only two or three times a month. Watching Brit Coms with my parents.

I'm so quickly running away from everything that really made me happy in life, but I am running towards things that excite and pleasure too. Why couldn't I live in the days when you never left your hometown?

blain @ 2004-04-08T18:24:00

2004-04-08T22:26:58Z

Well, isn't Lenora's sister a cutie. Sure, she's probably a thousand years older than me, but she's still a cutie.

And why am I addicted to "Dope Wars"?

That's all. Nothing profound. It never is.

blain @ 2004-04-07T23:32:00

2004-04-08T03:34:04Z

Three cheers for Daniel!
Woot-woot Woot-woot Woot-woot!

Not only did I write my short story--and a very good disturbing short story at that--but I reached my goal of jogging a mile straight!

All in all, I did two miles--walking and jogging--in 22 minutes.

YEAH!

blain @ 2004-04-07T00:32:00

2004-04-07T04:40:09Z

Ok. This is going to be the last live journal entry about Morgan. If you don't want to hear it, don't read it. The rest of you saps, tread carefully.

So, Morgan has been the girl at the back of my mind for the last five years. Yes, I did break up with her the first time. And yes, I can't remember who ended the relationship the second time. But I'm being serious when I say that there hasn't been a time when I haven't had some form of emotional and physical attraction to the girl. She's the epitome of my type. She's beautiful, talented, smart, witty, funny, classy, etc. Alas, I will refrain from singing all her praises.

And she was so patient with me. That was what made me desire her so much. When I would be the horrible little snot that I am, she was the one girl that could take it, dish it back out, and choke me on it--with grace and charm. Darn her. She could defuse my anger so easily.

But she is taken. And that's ok. She is happy with Brandon. I am happy for her. Now, granted, I'm still gonna flirt and gaze and dream. No harm in that. But I'm not going to even try to be a homewrecker. First of all, it would be a waste of energy. She's happy in the present, and I'm the guy from the past. Secondly, I don't want to have a repeat of the Swaggert episode. Ugh.

Ok. So that's it. The Morgan entry.

blain @ 2004-04-07T00:29:00

2004-04-07T04:32:02Z

So, if you sit on the left side of the bed on the odd days of the week, are you a bad lover or a balding mower? Should eggs be considered yellow or white? If you add up the number of letters in this sentence to make sure it's an even number, are you a mackrel or a magpie?

And if you ask stupid questions, do people quit listening? You know the answer. It lies within you.

blain @ 2004-04-06T23:23:00

2004-04-07T03:24:55Z

Went swimming today. WOAH! IT'S SO HARD! I can't really do it, and everyone in the Strom Thurmond Center knows it.

Oh well. As long as I'm buff by Bulgaria. (HA!)

blain @ 2004-04-05T23:31:00

2004-04-06T03:33:51Z

Went to the gym today. HA!
Actually jogged. HA HA!
Actually ran. (Passes out in laughter.)

Soon will swim. HA!
In public. HA HA!
Without a shirt. (Passes out from visual torture.)

Gonna tan. HA!
For swimming. HA HA!
In a tanning bed. (Walks away, head shaking in disgust.)

blain @ 2004-04-04T23:41:00

2004-04-05T03:45:52Z

BRANDON SLIGH STRIKES AGAIN! CURSES!

Ok. For all you people that didn't go to Hartsville High: Brandon Sligh is my arch-rival in the dating world, even though he doesn't know it.

You see, everygirl I have EVER dated in Hartsville has been Brandon's girlfriend at sometime. He dated Danielle--my Middle School crush. He "deflowered" Kaleigh--my High School girlfriend.

Now he is dating Morgan--my lifetime crush. The little punk. What does he think he is doing?

blain @ 2004-04-01T21:21:00

2004-04-02T02:34:49Z

So, after two very "quaint" conversations about our room's visitation policy, my roommate and I have learned that we don't like each other.

For example, he doesn't like the fact that I may possibly be in our dorm room before 12:00 on any given day. Now, I want you to undestand. His concern isn't that I don't have a stimulating social life at night time. He doesn't like the fact that he can't have sex whenever he wants in our dorm room--which he wants to happen at least four nights out of the week, according to our last conversation. (Might I add, he isn't being ambitious. He could have sex every night of the week if he wanted to, due to his fraternity's abundance in whores.)

Now, I don't like him because he wants me to call him on his phone to see if I can enter the room before 1:00 in the morning. That's right folks, he wants me to CALL HIS STUPID CELL PHONE TO SEE IF I HAVE PERMISSION TO ENTER MY DORM ROOM THAT I PAID FOR EVERYTIME I'M ABOUT TO UNLOCK THE DOOR! And that's if there isn't a sign on the door, telling me what time to come back. You see, the sign automatically means I lose my priviledges to access everything I own. And that's if he hasn't told me earlier that he needs the room to make his STUPID SNAGGLE-TOOTHED BOWLEGGED CRACK WHORES moan and groan as they fake tremendous orgasms whilst wishing the boy had a larger penis.

So I was already bitter. Then I went to shave...

He was in the shower talking. Talking to another person in the next shower. Talking very loudly about how I "JUST DON'T GET IT" and how I am the stupid one here for not quietly bowing down before his powerful libido. I just sat there and shaved listening to the whole conversation. (By the way, his gossiping skills are sadly underdeveloped.) Then, as he walked out, he saw me and smiled. He exchanged some nice pleasantries--OBVIOUSLY TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THAT I HEARD EVERYTHING!

So now I am doubly pissed at the boy. Now am I enraged, bitter, depressed, angry, and just flat out shaking from the urge to beat his little blue balls into a paste to choke him with--after I pull his pubic hairs off one by one, and CASTRATE THE HORNY BASTARD!

I know this entry isn't very good of me, but I am too angry not to type it. I'm done being polite, and nice, and considerate to this boy. I just want to take a bat to his stereo, a hammer to his tv, a mallet to his cellphone, and a jackhammer to his genitals.

blain @ 2004-03-31T23:40:00

2004-04-01T04:41:43Z

Ok, so the last entry was crap. I still have a hard time writing in this journal. I don't really like to get personal in public.

But I will say this much.

I just stood up to my roommate, sorta kinda, on our visitation policies...hee...hee...

BUT HE STILL DOESN'T GET IT!

blain @ 2004-03-31T23:32:00

2004-04-01T04:33:11Z

Well, the school year is starting to wrap-up, and I couldn't be more excited. YEAH!!!

So, I'm happy about the set up for next year. The house is gonna be nice.

And no roommate!

blain @ 2004-03-28T22:34:00

2004-03-29T03:40:05Z

My wish list:

1. To never have theory homework again.
2. To always meet people who think highly of my vocal skills.
3. To make passionate love with Jennifer Garner.
4. To grow up to be tall, dark, and handsome.
5. To be rich, with modesty.
6. To make Wyatt have a pass out during my front-row fortes.
7. To get a second job.
8. To make As this semester.
9. To find the motivation to work out.
10. To get a girlfriend that doesn't grow herbs as a hobby, or think that geology is a suitable lunch conversation.

That's it for now. If you have or can make any of these thing happen, send them to my PO BOX, and I'll reimburse you.

blain @ 2004-03-28T22:31:00

2004-03-29T03:34:02Z

(Daniel enters into dark room, and uses ancient Gainey voodoo...process too complicated to be written. When he finishes the ritual, he shouts:)

May I never have another night's worth of theory homework, and may I grow up to be tall, dark, and handsome.

(And then the clouds roll back, and behold, there is laughter.)

blain @ 2004-03-28T08:40:00

2004-03-28T13:44:55Z

Wow.

This week has been something, filled with huge drama, old friends, big concerts/recitals, new friends, home, and various other things that the week before didn't really give to me.

So I am not quite ready to start this week. How can it be anything like the week before? I don't want it to be some hum-drum, run-of-the-mill schoolweek in which all I do is sit around and do nothing. Please let me have some adventure.

Please...

blain @ 2004-03-18T23:26:00

2004-03-19T04:29:24Z

Wow. Tonight has been so interesting.

I decided to rent a house with Kate and Melissa. I get to design the Sun Room. It's gonna be my bedroom possibly.

So, then I come back to my room, and the night got real fun. You see, my roommate is drunk off his butt. He just got done showing me how to take off shoes. Then he went into a sermon about how Carol--???--is in love with me. Not Kate, Melissa, Laura, Katherine, Megan, or any of my friends he has met. Some girl named Carol loves me. Well, maybe I should meet this Carol girl. He's so drunk its amusing.